Alright, I'm going to make a little confession. I wasn't going to say anything, because I didn't think anybody would care. But then I realized...that's why you read, because you care. You are who I write for and you are who keeps me motivated to write more. So here goes... When I am in the car...alone...I like to sing every now and then. Actually, I like to sing all the time. Alright, I like to belt a few tunes whenever I get the chance. The problem with this is that people are all around to see me do it. I don't know about you, but I chuckle to myself when I see an idiot in the next car singin his heart out. I tried many different techniques to get over this problem. First, I tried to only sing when no cars are around, but that limited my singing time, so it was back to the drawing board. Next, I tried many inconspicuous singing styles that can only be described as a mix between humming and ventriloquism. That worked for a while, but recently I've felt like I need to step my game up a little and figure out the perfect way to sing amidst traffic. Today I found the perfect tool. I thought, how can people act like they're singing or talking to themselves in the car, but have people think it is completely normal? Then it hit me...the cell phone!!!! If I hold that thing up to my ear while I'm singing I am actually fitting in. Now I am not the idiot singing, I am the a-hole talking on the phone while he's driving. But that brings me down to the status quo of Bozeman drivers, so I think I'm much more comfortable with that option. That's all for today, folks. Should I bap it up? Why not. Bap of the day: I've been working at Columbia Paint for just over a month now, and one customer totally stands out as being the most bappable. This middle aged lady walks into the store and says she needs a quart of paint made for the window trim in her dining room. Let me repeat that. She needs ONE single color made to paint around ONE window in ONE room in her house. When she gets to the counter she sets down her Gucci bag (oh great) and plops down a suede vest. Why a vest? Because she wanted us to match ONE quart of paint to the color of her suede vest. Not the dark color of the vest, but the light color that appears when you rub the suede in the wrong direction. Cripes! This lady was rubbing me in the wrong direction. I'm waiting for her to come in next week so we can match a quart of eggshell for her favorite shelf with the color of her chihuahua's nipple. Not the top one, the one on the left, second from the bottom. CRIPES! More to Come.

maybe, if you lucky, instead of matching her dog's nipple she will ask you to match her nipples. joanie doesn't read these right???

She does read them, but I'm sure she'd agree with you. :-)

You were born for greater things than paint. You know this though. That being said, use this time at the paint store to get laid, often and well. At least that way it won't feel like a complete and total loss of your life...

John, working at a coffee hut has made you a wise man. ;-)

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